The definition of a poker face: An impassive expression that hides one's true feelings (noun).
From my understanding to be a great poker player you must have a great poker face. Since becoming a mom in November of 2006 I have sadly watched Poker after Midnight during my many late night feedings. One thing I have noticed is some of the players wear sunglasses and none of them ever smile, they are all so serious. I always imagined if that was me with a great hand of cards there is no way I could hide a smile on my face. I even imagine myself standing up and doing a little dance knowing I beat the rest of them lol.
Since January 11th, 2010 my poker face hs gotten good. Just this week at work I had a moment brought on by the frustration I feel when I hear of someone taking their child for granted especially a baby. I broke down and I cried right at my desk because I miss my son and I wish I could hold him. As the tears started rolling down my face I looked up and saw someone walking in. I jumped up walked in the other room and got myself together walked backed out with a smile on my face with a cheery voice asked wht I could help them with. I have no idea if this person knew but they sure didn't sk if I was ok. I have so many moments like this where I hide my true feelings mainly because I don't want to make someone uncomfortable. Whenever someone asks how I'm doing I lie and say we are doing great! In all honesty considering we lost our son we are doing ok but you know we have bad days, horrific days and ok days. I think my hardest days come when I have flashbacks of the day he died which sadly happen more than I care to mention but if you saw me you would never guess.
In life I think we all put on our poker faces just to get through certain days. We are all fighting some sort of battle. No one ever promised life would be easy but how you handle those curveballs in life says more about you than you may realize. It would be so easy to give up somedays but I choose to continue moving forward for my kids. I want to set a good example for them and show them that its possible to make it through the difficulties in life one step at a time. I talk about Ashton quite often with Olivia and sometimes we even cry because we miss him and I pray that this will teach Olivia to always be honest with her emotions but to also not let difficulties in life bring you down. Remember your children model you and how you handle life.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
The hardest working man I know
If you look up hard working in the dictionary I'm pretty sure you would find a picture of my husband. Zeb is the hardest working person I know and he never gives up. I sometimes wonder if the world is stacked against him because it just never seems he can get a break. When things seem to be going good look out because it will turn just as fast for him. I tell him all of the time how proud I am of him and how much I admire the love he has for farming.
I'm writing this post today for him because I support him in all of his crazy endeavors no matter how much I think they may be a bad idea I still support him because I love him. I wish I could help him more but with little ones at home its pretty much impossible. Last night or should I say this morning Zeb got home at 2:30am and shortly after he layed down, Tenley woke up. He didn't complain he just got up with her and fed her knowing that I had to get up at 4:00am. He is just so thoughtful and plus I think he wanted some cuddle time with her.
Yesterday Zeb was in a fantastic mood even though his one baler was clogged and he was crazy busy he was in a good mood because all in all things were going good. The other baler was running great and oh his first crop of hay was beautiful in his words. He was so proud of his first crop he said it was the best first crop he has ever had. I was so happy for him but in the back of my mind I thought man I hope things continue to go well for him. So he baled until 9:00pm last night then got back to the farm and started fixing his other baler not knowing there was rain coming. He worked on it until 2:30 this morning never giving up. Well as I walked into work this morning I thought is that thunder I hear please God don't let that be thunder because I knew that the best crop of hay he has ever had was still out in the field because Zeb did not have time to pick it up. As I heard the rain drops falling I felt as if I was about to shed a few tears myself because I knew that it would break my husbands heart. I called Zeb and before he even said anything I told him I was so sorry about his hay. You could tell in his voice that he just wanted to give up. I have heard this tone in Zeb so many times but I know he will pull through and he will keep plugging away at his big dreams. Then my husband said "You know sweetie this morning as I was stressing over the hay that was not picked up and the hay that was raked I looked down at Tenley and she was smiling and it just made my day." What a great father!
When I met Zeb 8 years ago I had no idea what was in store for me. I had no idea that we would lose a child, I had no idea that farming was so stressful lol and I had no idea how much more I would fall in love with him everyday. He is truely an amazing man. I wish he could spend more time with us but the time we do spend together is quality time and we appreciate every moment. And I'm sure once the kids are a little bigger and able to drive tractors that we will all be out there with him helping him out as much as we can just so we can spend the time with him and so that we can as a family support him because this is what family does you support each other on the good days and the bad but you always know you can count on each other.
This post is for Zeb and hoping it makes his day today a little less stressful knowing he has a wife that is absolutely madly in love with him good days and bad and that even though I get mad sometimes because I don't see him a real lot I am so absolutely proud of him for everything he does. Even though it may seem like everyone else is stacked against you Zeb I want you to know I'm not and even if you don't feel you are succesful you are because your success is not measured by how many acres you have it or how good your hay may be it is measured by how many people you make happy and you have three lovely ladies at home that you make very happy and one handsome little boy in heaven that looks down on you everyday smiling knowing that you are successful as a father and a husband. Love you!
I'm writing this post today for him because I support him in all of his crazy endeavors no matter how much I think they may be a bad idea I still support him because I love him. I wish I could help him more but with little ones at home its pretty much impossible. Last night or should I say this morning Zeb got home at 2:30am and shortly after he layed down, Tenley woke up. He didn't complain he just got up with her and fed her knowing that I had to get up at 4:00am. He is just so thoughtful and plus I think he wanted some cuddle time with her.
Yesterday Zeb was in a fantastic mood even though his one baler was clogged and he was crazy busy he was in a good mood because all in all things were going good. The other baler was running great and oh his first crop of hay was beautiful in his words. He was so proud of his first crop he said it was the best first crop he has ever had. I was so happy for him but in the back of my mind I thought man I hope things continue to go well for him. So he baled until 9:00pm last night then got back to the farm and started fixing his other baler not knowing there was rain coming. He worked on it until 2:30 this morning never giving up. Well as I walked into work this morning I thought is that thunder I hear please God don't let that be thunder because I knew that the best crop of hay he has ever had was still out in the field because Zeb did not have time to pick it up. As I heard the rain drops falling I felt as if I was about to shed a few tears myself because I knew that it would break my husbands heart. I called Zeb and before he even said anything I told him I was so sorry about his hay. You could tell in his voice that he just wanted to give up. I have heard this tone in Zeb so many times but I know he will pull through and he will keep plugging away at his big dreams. Then my husband said "You know sweetie this morning as I was stressing over the hay that was not picked up and the hay that was raked I looked down at Tenley and she was smiling and it just made my day." What a great father!
When I met Zeb 8 years ago I had no idea what was in store for me. I had no idea that we would lose a child, I had no idea that farming was so stressful lol and I had no idea how much more I would fall in love with him everyday. He is truely an amazing man. I wish he could spend more time with us but the time we do spend together is quality time and we appreciate every moment. And I'm sure once the kids are a little bigger and able to drive tractors that we will all be out there with him helping him out as much as we can just so we can spend the time with him and so that we can as a family support him because this is what family does you support each other on the good days and the bad but you always know you can count on each other.
This post is for Zeb and hoping it makes his day today a little less stressful knowing he has a wife that is absolutely madly in love with him good days and bad and that even though I get mad sometimes because I don't see him a real lot I am so absolutely proud of him for everything he does. Even though it may seem like everyone else is stacked against you Zeb I want you to know I'm not and even if you don't feel you are succesful you are because your success is not measured by how many acres you have it or how good your hay may be it is measured by how many people you make happy and you have three lovely ladies at home that you make very happy and one handsome little boy in heaven that looks down on you everyday smiling knowing that you are successful as a father and a husband. Love you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
