On the Verge of Collapse

Every morning I receive daily devotionals from Homeword, it is a Christian based website focused on families. I really enjoy these devotions because it reminds me to dig a little deeper into my faith to see things from a different perspective. This mornings devotion hit so close to home it gave me goosebumps. The title was On the Verge of Collapse and it started out talking about the bridge collapse in Minneapolis which I'm sure most of you remember since it was just a few years ago. I will quote the part that really hit close to home:
"I am reminded of the people around us everyday, including the people that make up our world of relationships. Some bear the physical scars of life and some don't. Typically, we don't give a moment's thought to what is going on in their lives. Yet, many people bear tremendous emotional and spiritual damage--interior damage that few, if any of us, see. Like an unsound bridge that looks normal, but is critically damaged in places unseen, most appear as though all is well in their lives. Yet, some teteer at the brink of collapse from the wounds that have weakened them."

Now is that not amazing. It hits so close to home because well in the past 4 1/2 months I have heard the statement "You are doing so well I don't think I could be do that well." My response is usually nothing because well that person that just said that to me has no idea they were not giving me a complement but were in fact making me feel guilty, sad, heartbroken and all of the above. Why do you ask? Because well when I'm in public I put on this smile and I "go on with life" the way people expect you too but little does the person who says this to me know that when I'm at home looking at Ashton's picture or walking by his room or laying in bed at night wondering what my son would be like today that I'm not ok. The fact of the matter is that I will never be ok. This is my life and I have choices I can either fall to pieces and give up or I can take what I have learned from this tragedy and use it for the good. I still have a daughter and a husband and how well do you think these relationships would be if I just gave up. The other problem with that statement is that I have said the same thing in the past before my son died so really you have no idea how strong you can be until you are in the situation. I am a mother who will go to the ends of the world for my children so if that means that I have to be strong for Olivia and make her life "normal" than that is what I have to do. So please next time you look at me and ask yourself "I don't know how she does it" know that my reply to you is one baby step at a time and sometimes just like a toddler beginning to walk I stumble and I break down and I cry and heck I even throw a temper tantrum sometimes but I have faith and I know that God will pick me up, kiss my broken heart and help me take that next step.

Jude 22-23: "Show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgement. There are still others to whom you need to show mercy..."