It has been so long since I blogged. It just seems as if life gets busy and you find less and less time for yourself. I'm sitting in the car now and my Zeb is driving so perfect time for me to catch up...
What has my life been like for the past, I don't know year???? Well as always its a roller coaster lol. I have found that my good days by far weigh out the bad days. I don't cry as much for Ashton, I miss him deeply & I think about him constantly but I can now dream of my little man without the tears.
Last night I was in the rocking chair with Tenley and as usual I was looking around at the photos of Ashton & Olivia and I realized that I was looking at my "old" life, my life before Ashton died. In my world I have had two lives, the one before Ashton's death & the one I'm living now. I can't explain why I feel that way but I feel I have changed since he died. Anyways I realized there was not one picture from my life after his death. Not one picture of Tenley, not one picture of Olivia over the age of 3. Why was this??? I'm not sure. See this room is now our "family room" the room in our home that no longer has a tv, the tv was moved downstairs after the basement was remodeled. Anyways I realized that every night as I rock Tenley to sleep in the complete silence, no tv, nothing I looked at Ashton's pictures and I cried. This was not only her time to fall asleep but this was mom's time to spend wtih Ashton and with Jesus because alot of the time as I rocked her I kissed her head and I thinked God for her! I thanked Him for blessing my life with her, Ashton, Olivia & Zeb. I talked to Him about what was troubling me that particular day & I thought of Ashton & cried. This has become one of my favorite times of the day!
So I ask you when was the last time you thanked God for your blessings instead of blaming Him for your troubles????
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Every time I sit in the rocking chair in Nora's room with her, or I'm standing next to her crib putting her down for a nap, I kiss her head, and thank God for our rainbow baby, and I look at the sign that Adam made at Faith's Lodge. "God gives His most special gifts to those He knows will love them the most in their short time with us."
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